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SAM Ruh · Soul Ramblings
Faith Poems
Verses written from inside the struggle —
for the soul that is trying to find its way back.
Poem 01 · Sin, Reckoning & Return
Nafsi
A Poem of Sin, Reckoning & Return
Eight movements. One honest journey — from the small sins we dismiss to the heavy ones we carry, through the numbness, the awakening, the longing, the act, the hope, and finally the acceptance of our beautifully flawed human cycle.
A glance that lingered, held a beat too long,
a truth I bent, a laugh that echoed wrong.
A prayer I skipped — too tired to begin,
I told myself: this barely counts as sin.
Such feather sins, I thought them lightly weighed,
small pebbles tossed, small debts so cheaply paid.
Too trivial for angels to record —
too small, I thought, to matter to my Lord.
Then came the heavy sins — the iron chains,
the rage I nursed, the envy in my veins.
The haram I pursued with open hands,
ignoring every one of Your commands.
I broke the trust of those who leaned on me,
I let the dunya steal what I should be.
I slid to arrogance — I thought I soared,
not knowing I was severing from my Lord.
The strangest thing — I felt no weight, no dread,
no trembling rose, remorse had gone and fled.
My heart had thickened, sealed behind a wall,
and let the darkness enter, welcomed all.
The sin felt natural — almost like my skin,
I wore it lightly, welcomed it within.
Not knowing I was rotting at my root —
not knowing I had eaten from that fruit.
Then something cracked — a verse, a moment fell,
a question struck me like a warning bell:
Who have you become?
I felt the chill
of knowing how far I had strayed downhill.
I saw the record — every careless deed —
and feared I'd planted every darkened seed.
Am I the fuel of jahannam's fire?
To harvest what I chased in blind desire?
I want things different — I want to find the light,
a heart that softens when You speak at night.
I want to rise before the call of dawn,
and lay my forehead down, ashamed but drawn.
I want a life where barakah flows free,
where rizq arrives through what I cannot see.
Where You become enough for all I need —
enough to blossom from the smallest seed.
So I make wudu, rise, and call Your name,
I stand in salah, still, to clear my shame.
I break the haram, fight each craving down,
I sit with those who've traded world for crown.
I read the Book until the pages glow,
I give in sadaqah what I can bestow.
I beg You: let my tawbah reach Your door —
let this repentance count for something more.
O Allah — You who said: return to Me,
no matter what the distance — come and see.
Erase the record, make me clean and whole,
replace my losses, mend my broken soul.
Expand my chest, provide beyond my sight,
and let Your rahmah be my guiding light.
Turn all my darkness into honest glow —
and let me be the servant You would know.
I know I'll falter — I am made of clay,
but every time I fall, I'll find my way.
For sinning is the nature of mankind,
but I return to You and leave it behind.
For tawbah is not weakness — it is power,
the turning back to You in every hour.
We fall, we rise, we walk the whole road's length —
Al-Ghaffar, You forgive us with Your strength.
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We are all somewhere in these eight stanzas.
What matters is that we are still walking.
— SAM Ruh · Faith Poems